Freshly Baked Pie

Freshly Baked Pie
by: Joe Marchese

I decided to make a pie chart to depict what ELO is to most of us for two reasons. One, The pretty colors may keep the attention of people who give as much interest into the written word as they do into anything but themselves. Two, It's a fucking pie chart. Pie charts are cool as shit.
Anyway here's the breakdown from highest to lowest if you can't read the fucking graph.

30% Getting Lectured on the Rules of ELO
28% Nothing
20% Homework
06% Ignoring Announcements
04% Waiting for Passes to be Written
04% Listening to Music
03% Remedial Learning
02% Playing Cards
01% Building Card or Other Towers
01% Improvisational Jam
.95% Getting Krunk?
.04% Making Up Statistics
.01% Wanking Off

A quick analysis of this reliable data reveals that only 3% of ELO time is spent remediating students in need. It is estimated that 70% of students need remediation, since that is the only thing that would warrant such a waste of time in school. Being accused of skipping this period is the most unfathomable offense, of which I and many others are accused of on weekly basis. The problem is that our school is required to adhere to a plan that is already doomed to fail. Instead of wasting resources reaching for unattainable state set standards, let us provide for students who want to learn the resources to do so and a comfortable school environment that promotes and sustains a student's interest in learning. ELO is working as well as Bush's plan in Iraq, but with a much less severe death count and injury rate (2700 US soldiers killed, 20,000 Injured, 650,000 Iraqis killed)

I'd say it's time for a change.