Once Again, From the Top

"Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so." - Douglas Adams

It started in ELO. The founding fathers of The SPLOoGE were pontificating on the nature of our school's administration, reputation, and our frustration with its vexations. Unaware of the ramifications of her actions, our advisor suggested we write an article about our existential quandary. Thus, this site was born.

Our initial efforts were merely benignant discourses on our current state of affairs. After a brief experiment with print editions, the SPLOoGE returned to its immaterial form as a digital publication. We then began to address the issues at hand, from backpacks to IDs to detention to standardized testing. Recently, a certain object has been appearing frequently on the pages of the SPLOoGE, as we have been exploring various ways it can be used, and the punishments for said actions.

Now that you have the history, I would like to address the issue that set these events into motion.

In August of 2006, Williamsport Area High School students received a letter from our new principal, Bruce Elliott. It contained the standard fare, welcoming students back, and addressing goals for the next school year. The second page, however, was where it all hit the fan. At the bottom of a list of additions to school regulations was a clause that eliminated an integral component of our school's established dynamic. Those reading this letter were informed that Williamsport Area High School students would no longer be allowed to carry backpacks. This caused much outrage among both students and parents. It was assumed, however, that such a change would bring disastrous results, and would be quickly reversed. We now find ourselves three-quarters of the way through the year, and the policy has not changed.

After experiencing six months under this new statute, I got an opportunity to once again carry my books on my shoulders. After making friends with a tree on an unfortunate skiing trip, I was given a doctor's excuse to use a backpack. I soon realized that, carrying a backpack, my hallway travels were not that much easier. The only advantage a backpack had over my arms was containment. I did not have to risk having some random notebook fall out of the stack in my hands. In fact, when carrying only a notebook or two, I have found that is easier to carry them in your arms than on your back. This, however, is a state that one does not often have the pleasure of finding themselves in, mostly due to the impracticality of reaching ones locker between classes.

In response to these findings, I offer a new solution. In the coming school year, shave seven minutes off of ELO, and add one minute to each break between classes and lunches. To get from pod to pod, it takes approximately one minute, and it takes two minutes to exchange books at one's locker. This works fine if your locker happens to be in a pod you enter during the middle of the day. Otherwise, the only practical opportunity to go to one's locker is at the beginning or end of the day. If we had more time to reach our lockers between classes, students could establish routines where they must only carry a few books at a time, reducing the risks of, and damages resulting from, book-checking and catastrophic arm failures.

Put our time to use, instead of having us sit in ELO, wasting away the moments that make up a dull day.

-Nick Johnson