Crime and Punishment Part 2

"We have never been afforded the luxury of a urinal cake [very untasty] and some of us have chosen to rebel." - unknown source (but it was probably in the bible).

Our rebel is a man named Jacob Hume. Young Jacob was recently suspended for 10 days for peeing. "Well thats just poopy" I thought. When I heard this I knew that this was most definitely SPLOoGE material. I sat down with Jake during a sunny Tuesday Math period and asked him about this subject. My first question to Jake was a long pause followed by the inquiry "What happened?". Jake explained to me that he had tinkled off to the left outside of the Science Wing entrance after a Morgans AP study session(I've heard these can be quite the party) at approximately 3:55(ish) on Wednesday March 14, 2007. I then asked him why to which he replied "... because I really had to go ... I mean I really had to go." which was something a simple man like myself could identify with. Jake was witnessed by a large black man(so not Elliot)(Jake mentioned the name Mr. Jet for the this man) who proceeded to chase him down even though Jake was not running (Jacob said he believed that the man thought he would try to run). The lack of an ID was pretty much Jake's death sentence. The deal was Jake wasn't trying to make a display (although he did to the windows of the G rooms that overlook the incline) or damage any property, he merely had to go like any normal human animal. Being robots not programmed to love, its understandable that the principals did not, well ... understand this. The next day he was called to Mr Emery's office where, with minimal words, Emery effectively said you have 10 days out, sign this (without reading it), and get out. He had given no explanation to why Jake was punished so ridiculously. Back to what Dan Malady said earlier "it's sort of scary to know that I spend 1/4 of every day in a place where a penis cutter-outer and a penis inner-outer get the same sentence." Turns out a penis puller-outer gets 10 days. One would then assume that since a number 2 is twice as much, you get 20 days for it. Although Elliot promised Jake that he would not get a court summons, Jake received one anyway. This can either attributed to Bruce's inane ability to be negligent in many categories, or just outright lying on his part.

Well I suppose one can look at this and laugh. I have, especially at the pee part. Maybe that's just what we should do. Maybe that's what the disciplinarians of our school should have done here. Maybe they should have laughed and let it go. We can all deal with a little pee, I mean we're all adults here. Maybe we should all pee for a 10 day vacation and a possible $10 fine under Old Lycoming Township Ordinances on pottying. Maybe they're just abusing and flaunting their power. Well I think they're poop. Maybe they should grow up.

Jacob Hume served 7 days of his 10 day sentence because of a threat to sue on his part because his appeal case wasn't given in time. Jacob's court summons was dropped as were any fines attributed to it. Jacob now resides happily in a San Bernardino flat with his wife, their three beautiful children, and their dog Mittens.