Literary Mastrubation

The Cherry and White has stood for decades as a standard of artistic and literary excellence at Williamspot Area High School. A free publication handed out at least twice a year, full of enlightening, informative, entertaining, and though-provoking works. In fact, the final issue of this fine publication during the 05-06 school year is perhaps the single greatest reason why the SPLOoGE itself was organized.

Yet low have the mighty fallen. The single issue published this year, which was sold for a dollar is a collection of self-gratifying works, for the most part not chosen based on literary skill, but based on membership in or friendship with, the Cherry & White staff. Like Warren G. Harding and the Ohio Gang, competency plays second fiddle to political connections.

The greates example of this incompetency is made possible by the Editor of the publication, who also has several works and series of photograhs published in the issue (just like Kim Jong-il has produced 6 operas and several musicals). I draw your attention to the Editor's Forward:


Above we have highlighted the major errors (see if you can find all 14!). The first is the most obvious, "redisgned". We have tried several word processors, dictionaries, and the Internet to find whether or not this collection of letters is a legitimate term in the English language. This is what you get when you google "redisgned", 808 (at our count) different cases of people misspelling this word, mostly on video game forums (the Kevorkian of spelling and grammar). The other two are a more subtle. The first is "worthy of keeping around the house". This, actually isn't that subtle, its a boldface lie. We at the SPLOoGE have obtained a copy, and plan to produce a digital archive of this travesty, so the general public may immolate their physical copies, as they deserve to be. Finally, professional my ass. Black and white, non-gloss, drivel filled paper does not a literary magazine make.

Now some may say that we at the SPLOoGE are hippocrits, as our own pages are brimming with grammatical and spelling error. The difference is, we aren't trying to say our "shit don't stank". We believe that the butchery of the English language indubitably gives the SPLOoGE its roguish charm (Steve McQueen), as opposed to the false intellectuality of the Cherry and White (Gabe Campana).

We appologize to those Scholastic Writing Award winners whose works are now forced to be grouped with the other codswallop, flapdoodle, and tommyrot running rampant in the pages of that publication. We here at the SPLOoGE would like to offer a particular invitation to those individuals to send us their submissions, if they wish to have their work published in a respectable open forum.