Our Forefathers

If you were alive and/or cool you either heard about or saw the distribution of informational papers around school the first day. They were named Survival : The Guide to High School and they printed to help students better understand our school and to know how to deal with it. That is what we here at the SPLOoGE are all about. These papers; however, have a bit of a back story.

Way back before I learned to read and write (2 years ago), this school was ruled by a man named Mr. Huddy (We also had a different Superintendent). Now Mr. Huddy, you see, was a formidable man. You might not call him a great principal, but he was rather decent. He seemed to have a live and let learn philosophy, that is he didn't attempt to restrict students activities beyond what was possible or necessary (or fail in doing so). His focus was on student learning, which turns out to be what school is all about (who woulda guessed?), rather than student control (or perhaps his focus was on what he was going to do when he retired from his position as King of the Castle). Way back then there was an cutting-edge student publication called the Cherry and White. It was freely distributed throughout classrooms biyearly. A printing of one particular issue, with one particular article had several far-reaching consequences.

The article was a scaled down version of a family friendly satire piece called "Advice : The Non-Musical," and it was written by a man named Brad Heffner. (Brad wrote us Something for the SPLOoGE too) Naturally those of us who understand satire (men) laughed our asses off at this piece advising that " ... Heroin is a man's drug" and that "Everyone loves a slut." while others, who don't understand satire (feminists, Midwestern militant radical Christian women, and you if you're not laughing), became so angry that blood shot out from between their legs. Someone (Probably the same person that called the child abduction hotline when a friend and I ran out when my younger brother was getting off the bus and threw him in our car and drove off backwards, but that's another story.) went and complained about the article.

Eventually some people got some stern talkings to and the Cherry and White got a new faculty adviser and became lame. (just like they used to call crippled, I mean handicapped, I mean disabled, I mean dicks who get the nice parking spot, I mean differently-abled , I mean a person who lacks a certain motor function but still fulfills a certain beneficial function in society.) This led to a fearful censorship the next school year in all posts satirical or critical of school policies. The very first post on this website was a piece that got turned down by the Billtown Banner for that fear, which led inevitably to the creation of this website. So thank you close-mindedness.

I took much inspiration from Brad's work and I hope that you may too. He has graced us by allowing us to post it on here as a PDF, along with our less funny version. Enjoy.

Advice : The Non-Musical
Survival : The Guide to High School

caution: avoid contact with eyes, prolonged exposure may cause enlightenment, wash thoroughly with television for 50 - 80 years.