Socially Unhealthy

Now that the second marking period is over I now have health II, which is just health I for the second time, but that’s not what I’m going to write about. On my first day of class I was greeted with a nice paper that asked us to give examples of what people who are not “socially healthy” would act. After examining what the majority of my classmates had written down I realized that I, myself am not “socially healthy.” After realizing that I became worried, and wanted to start working on my social skills as soon as we were done with what we had planned for the day. We finally got through that paper, and with ten minutes left I figured that gave me time to work on being social. The next sound I heard was the sound of her voice(teacher) saying “Alright, you have about ten minutes left so remain quiet and in your seats.” I was so outraged!! I was just told that being “socially unhealthy” was not a good thing, and our entire lives we are told to “remain quiet and in our seats.”

-Joe T.

Bruce on Parade

Here's a few rule ideas written by Bruce straight from his myspace.

New Rule Ideas!
by Bruce Elliott
Current Mood: giddy

Here it is everyone, I have some great new changes rule ideas,
tell me what you all think about them.....

1. Have the morning announcements in the afternoon, and the afternoon announcements in the morning.

2. Take over the Roosevelt Middle School parking lot, and turn it into "D-lot", that way all the students can park down there and walk all the way up the front hill for exercise.

3. I'm getting annoyed that no one wears their IDs, so I think we'll just tattoo a barcode on everyones arm.

4. We got rid of backpacks to make sure that people don't bring weapons into the school. However, I overlooked something. Pencils and pens could be used as weapons so I have decided to ban them. Everyone will now be required to write on stone tablets and you must carry them around because you still can't have backpacks.

5. Here is my best idea so far.... Since I have made all these great new rules and changes to better the school, I think that it is only fair that we rename the school. Williamsport Area High School no longer exists, that place was ridden with homerooms, non-ID wearing students, hall passes, a good principal (Huddy), and lunches that were actually in the afternoon. The new high school will now be known as "Bruce P. Elliott High School", named after myself, since my heroic efforts have made this high school a much better place.

So that's it everyone, give me some feedback.

With this next number we'll be taking you all the way back to September 2006.

This is something I wrote after the first week of school. I thought you might enjoy it. I also thought it might bring back are beloved and forgotten catch phrase.

Template for all first day speeches at Williamsport Area High School
by: Joe Marchese

[Hi] Let me first start my speech by saying, failure is not an option. I'll repeat: Failure is not an option. Now I'll rephrase it, Failure is not an option.(insert some bullshit) Because children, you see there is no option of failure, failure is of no option, there exists option of failure not.[You see we sat in a room all summer trying to make up a catch phrase that we could drive into your heads like an icy spike that makes you cringe every time you hear it, so we came up with] failure is not an option (some kind of *inspiring speech showing how much of a douche bag that you are) Failure is not an option Failure is not an option (humorous anecdote) Failure is of no option and in all respects is not an option. [I am fucking stupid as hell] Thank you.

*non , Things in brackets are implied

A Word From Our Sponsors

This is our first email submission. It is written by "Dipper".

Dipper
English 12
January 1, 2006

The Biography of Bruce Elliot

Bruce Elliot was born on September 31, 1952 in the desert of Chicago, Indiana where he was raised by a wild pack of wolves. It is a little known fact that as a child he worked in a sweatshop which manufactured clothes for Eddie Bauer. This is where he learned to dislike all items of clothing that fit properly. From that point on he chose to wear his pants up to his man boobs in protest. After leaving the sweatshop he met his new best friend Melvin Wentzel. He and his big blue ox (Melvin) traveled across America being douche bags. Whenever Bruce’s mighty axe would hit the ground it would cause the earth to split (this is how he made the grand canyon). Unfortunately Bruce met an untimely death on October 22, 3516 at six flags great escape. He was on the gondola ride and was not fastened properly. He fell out and died. Thanks to Bruce’s dumb ass, nobody can ride the gondola at six flags any more. Thanks a lot you douche bag.

Works Cited
www.tubgirl.com
www.wikipedia.com
www.google.com

Lifting Boulda (son)

Liftin' Boulda
by Joe Marchese

So this is my next entry and it seems to be fairly similar to the theme of that, for lack of a better term, shit about racecars. Well, shit pretty aptly describes it. Anyway as that was a typical essay submission, this is a typical application letter written by a Williamsport Area High School student compiled by a good friend of mine, Deron Johnson.

This is what was required to participate in the visitor program of The High Altitude Observatory (HAO) of the National Center for Atmospheric Research (NCAR) in Boulder, Colorado.

"A brief letter from the student, indicating general scientific interests, including a list of any special skills (e.g., programming ability, experience with optics or electronics, etc.) he or she may possess or would be particularly anxious to exercise and develop during a stay at HAO;"

This is our Williamsport Student's Application. Observe.

Sup g's at the High Altitude Observatory or HAO as we say in the hood. Ya'll know I'm trying to get all up in that summer program in Boulda son. I'm just tryanna study that physics jon son, that shit is tight. I been fascinated with that science and mathematics shit from day 1 son. I came out da womb doing logarithms an shit dawg, you know. Special skills you gonna be seeing is my fuckin buffness, cause i get big son, i be at the gym benching a ton or so, you know how it is in the streets. I did some of that mat lab shit but ill prolly be most useful using my fuckin guns like lifting mountains and shit, cause ya'll be in Colorado. So, basically, ya'll need me out there son, you need these guns, you need my fuckin buffness, and im tryanna get that 1800 a month you know, cash money, BLING BLING, biddie jons, bitches love that money shit. BALLIN!
Holla at cha boy,
D-Weezey

Literary genius speaks for itself.